Super Bowl XLII – The Star Wars Version

A long time ago, on a Sunday far, far away…

It is a dark time for the NFL Galaxy. The evil Patriot Empire has crushed all opponents in the football universe, utilizing incredible offensive fire power to destroy Rebel forces struggling to loosen the Empire’s unbeatable grasp on the universe.

The Empire is only one step away from completing their unfinished annihilation of the NFL, and it’s up to the Rebel Giants to meet them on the final stage of battle and save the galaxy from the Patriot’s tyrannical grasp. This will truly be an epic struggle, but will it be a Strike Back or the Return? The key may just be found below.

Tom Brader

This dark lord wields unstoppable football force that crushes all teams attempting to stand before him. By committing his soul to the Empire, Brader has amassed unimaginable power, harnessing the anger and rage built up from a universe of trash talkers. Brader is a veteran imperial fighter who has already won three super bowls and mercilessly defeated all jedibacks who have faced him this year, leaving only one brave soul to face him in the final battle.

Eli Mannwalker

Mannwalker’s family heritage is rich in football force, and this Rebel hero has slowly grown to harness the power in his blood. Mannwalker’s obi-wan like brother revealed the ways of the force, but was defeated by Brader earlier this year, instilling dangerous thoughts of revenge in Mannwalker’s young mind. It doesn’t seem like Mannwalker has much of a chance against the power of Brader and the Empire, but it’s quite possible Brader could reveal that Mannwalker is part of his illustrious string of illegitimate children strewn across the country.

Emperor Belichick

The unstoppable head of the Empire will do anything to win, utilizing his dark powers to crush weaker opponents without sympathy. The Emperor is happy to run up scores and smash his challengers into oblivion. Emperor Belichick’s mastery of football force makes him a formidable adversary, and the weapons amassed in his arsenal have created an unstoppable Patriot Empire that surely looks unbeatable against the Rebel Giants, who have already been crushed by the Empire once before.

Boba Moss

Boba Moss is a cutthroat, touchdown seeking bounty hunter who moves from team to team annihilating his targets with calculating precision and incredible strength. Moss is the football galaxy’s most brutal touchdown hunter, just give him the proper contract and consider your opponent destroyed. Boba Moss’s rocket pack helps him fly down the field and make catches unreachable to anyone but him. The law means nothing to Moss; he only cares about fulfilling his contract and getting the glory.

Bruschi the Hut

Getting tackled by Bruschi the Hut is like getting thrown into the Sarlacc Pit, except it’s over a little quicker. Bruschi is the empire’s defensive crime lord, leading a horde of other shady characters as they hunt down opponent’s teams without pity. Bruschi the Hut will do whatever it takes to gobble up an enemy football.

Plaxolo

Dashing and daring, this fluid football pilot doesn’t hold back his tongue, reveling in trash talk and never backing down from a fight. Plaxolo is a formidable fighter, and his speed and agility in football space makes him one of the Rebel’s top assets. While many cower in fear of the Empire, Plaxolo openly mocks their scoring capabilities, heading into battle with a chip on his shoulder and a blaster on his hip.

Michael Strewbacca

This gigantic Wookie behemoth may be covered in hair and impossible to understand, but his unprecedented strength and loyalty to the Rebel Giant side is unquestionable. Strewbacca is a hard working beast that never gives up, and his massive arms are great for rapping up Imperial quarterbacks, you just wouldn’t want to let him sit on your new couch.