Vivek Narain on Life

The musings of a man preparing for a mission

Castro Unisex Body Lotion and My Plea to the Mysterious Searcher

Posted by viveknarain on April 2, 2008

Like most WordPress users, I love to peruse the Blog Stats feature on the WordPress dashboard and see who’s been looking at my work. One of the unique features on the dashboard actually allows bloggers to see what search engine terms people have used to find their blog.

While on my normal Monday procrastination routine, I noticed an interesting search term that someone had used to find this very site. Dispersed among my normal search terms, which include World Dictators, Hillary Clinton Robots, and Star Wars Football Players, I found a curious piece of search language that completely shattered my view of reality. Someone, or something, found my blog by searching for Castro Unisex Body Lotion.

Now what in the world are you looking for when you type in Castro Unisex Body Lotion? This question has haunted me ever since I discovered the phrase, and I have decided that I must do everything and anything in my power to contact the human being who committed this outlandish search engine act.

Whoever this mysterious web surfer may be, I speak directly to you now, and I beg that you return to my blog and leave a comment explaining yourself and just what you were hoping to find by searching for Castro Unisex Body Lotion. The very idea, the very image, the sheer imagination and chutzpa involved in such a web search baffles me. I must meet you mystery searcher, I must find out what went through your mind. I beg you to share with me and my readers what you were searching for. In an effort to appease you, I have discovered what I think you were looking for.

“One Sex. One Dream.”

How do you think Castro survived all those CIA assassination attempts over the years? The key to his success was an expertly scented and gender neutral body lotion that was previously reserved only for other world dictators, but is now set for release to the general public in early 2009. This new public line of Castro Unisex Body Lotion, known to the world simply as Uni, uses the finest, most exotic herbs and spices on the planet, which have been hand picked by an aging Castro himself. The secret Uni lotion mixture also combines the Amazon’s rarest frog bones and Capybara tears to create a concoction that smells and lathers so eloquently, no sex should be without it. The final mixture is fermented in a pregnant Snow Leopard hide for 15 months before it is ready for bottling. Thanks to Castro’s commitment to excellence, a lotion now exists that transcends all gender bias, and protects you from exploding cigars.

Is this what you wanted mysterious searcher? Will I ever hear from you, or will you be just another enigma of web insanity, destined to remain forever lost in the depths of cyber space? If you find this blog again, please leave a comment explaining yourself.


One Response to “Castro Unisex Body Lotion and My Plea to the Mysterious Searcher”

  1. Excellent blog! Interesting article and very informative! I will necessarily subscribe for this blog.

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