Flat Belly Diet vs. Fat Belly Diet

So it’s obvious that the Flat Belly Diet is a gimmick. I’m sick of all these phony dieting crazes that trick unhealthy people into thinking there is some magical way to loose weight without doing any work. So I came up with my own diet that actually does work. I call it the Fat Belly Diet, and it’s guaranteed to give you the spare tire you always dreamed of.

Breakfast

Two fistfuls of goldfish and a breadbowl with nacho cheese. Fist nacho cheese with goldfish and consume, make sure you eat all the bread.

Lunch

A warm glass of Country Club Malt Liquor and an Ultimate Double Cheeseburger from Jack in the Box. Can’t really say much more about that.

Dinner

Mix Mountain Dew and Kool Aid into a water cooler to keep your thirst quenched throughout this meal. A dozen mozzarella cheese sticks will serve as the appetizer. To prepare the main course, wallpaper a country fried steak with bacon. Fry everything and set over a bed of ranch sauce. Douse with country gravy before eating.

Dessert

All you need for dessert is one of these babies – Elephant Bar’s Giant Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich

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Obama Money aint Funny

We all know Republicans are racist, so why does Barack Obama waste his breath trying to prove this fact during his campaign. Obama thinks Republicans will use his race to scare voters because he, “doesn’t look like all those other presidents on the dollar bills.”

Could Obama’s statement be any more misguided? He’s a natural!

The only fear mongering in this campaign is how scary-good he looks in my wallet.