Vivek Narain on Life

The musings of a man preparing for a mission

Archive for the ‘Things that Fund Terrorism’ Category

Things That Fund Terrorism: Spitzer Prostitution money actually goes to Al-Qaeda

Posted by viveknarain on March 19, 2008

Major news outlets believe the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal is over. What these media bigwigs fail to realize is the real story has yet to be revealed. Spitzer’s hooker ring of choice, the secretive Emperor Club, is actually an elaborate cover designed to hide his true intentions. The governor of New York would never dole out serious cash for a high priced yet mildly attractive hooker. In reality, Spitzer’s prostitution money was actually used to fund terrorism.

Do you really think “Client 9” would willingly spend that much money on simple prostitutes? Spitzer could have grabbed any woman he desired for free, and his hooker of choice may have looked good, but not $80,000 good. For that much money you could get busy with Beyonce on a gold plated waterbed filled with champagne. Believe me, the only people getting their hands on Spitzer’s money were terrorists.

This diagram lays out the real Spitzer scandal.

As you can see in the diagram, Spitzer’s cash was siphoned off to build an Al-Qaeda training camp somewhere in the Middle East. The prostitution ring served as the perfect cover because Spitzer knew if he got caught he would have to resign and face harsh public judgment, which is much better than a one-way ticket to Guantanamo Bay for treason.

Spitzer would pay his hooker when they met in secure locations. They would then spend a respectable amount of private time together to ensure the legitimacy of the facade. After the secret rendezvous, Spitzer’s prostitute would deliver the money to the cloaked Emperor Club pimp-leader, who would then pass it on to the mysterious head of terrorist operations. This secretive terrorist leader, who’s identity is still classified, but appears to have an unsettling passion for eucalyptus trees, would proceed to divert the funds toward various terrorist activities, the most important of which are training camp monkey bars.

Every male in power has a severe prostitute hunger that must be quenched; it’s a fact of life. Conversely, getting caught funding terrorism is an extremely serious crime, so Spitzer intelligently covered it up with a more common and acceptable political sex scandal. Revealing Spitzer’s prostitution offense must have felt like the holy grail of stories for the media, so what incentive is there to dig deeper and find where the money is truly going? There is no better story than the quintessential law and order politician becoming trapped in a prostitution scandal, so there is no need to look deeper. By using the prostitution ring as a front, Spitzer ensured that no one would look closer into the money’s eventual destination.

If Spitzer used a normal terrorist funding cover like a shady real estate deal or an offbeat government acquisition, authorities would be more likely to follow the money trail beyond its initial front. Instead, America sees Spitzer’s prostitution scandal as just another example of sexually deviant male politicians and is happy to move on after a week. The “Enforcer” is no horny fool; he is a terrorism funding genius.


Posted in Things that Fund Terrorism | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »