Vivek Narain on Life

The musings of a man preparing for a mission

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NBA X-Men, The Celtics vs. The Lakers

Posted by viveknarain on June 14, 2008


Celtics beat the Lakers 131-92 in Game 6 of the NBA Finals. So, just like I predicted in the Super Bowl Star Wars Post,  good once again crushes evil!  Maybe I should start betting on these games.

A race of superhuman mutants, born with athletic powers greater than any normal human could imagine, remain locked in an epic final duel, the outcome of which will decide the very fate of humanity. Many of these creatures believe in peaceful coexistence with the meager humans who share their world, but some care more about personal glory and power, and will stop at nothing to win.

The C-Men are a team of courageous super-players sworn to battle these evil forces and their unstoppable super-villain leader who’s incredible basketball powers and gigantic ego threaten to destroy the human race. Can the C-Men work as a team and defeat this omnipotent evil force in the final battle to decide the fate of our basketball world?


Garnerinre is the most fearsome of the C-Men, boasting incredible strength and offensive prowess. Garnerine can defeat almost any foe by utilizing an unbridled mixture of emotion, skill, and indestructible physicality. His strength and fearsome clawhands have helped him become an unstoppable defensive force as well, claiming the NBA Defensive Mutant of the Year award in the 2007-2008 season. However, his own passion is his Achilles Heel, as sometimes he is unable to control the rage inside, rendering him useless at key moments.


Kobocalypse is the single most powerful mutant player on earth, with the ability to annihilate entire teams by himself. It will take all of the C-Men’s combined powers to destroy him. Despite his unstoppable basketball powers, it is Kobocalypse’s massive ego that threatens to destroy us all. If he wins the Finals, the ego will grow too big for our planet to sustain, spiraling earth out of orbit and into the sun. Four minions take the court alongside Kobocalypse, but they are easily handled by the C-Men. Like most evil henchmen, they are simply fodder who only get in the way as the heroes try to handle the super-villain. Kobocalypse leads by fear, his court followers are forced to listen while he insults them for every mistake and bullies them into acquiescence. Kobocalypse shows no mercy as he flexes his unstoppable basketball capabilities, he knows he is the most powerful creature on the court, and revels in his unrelenting superhuman nature. It will take a lot of teamwork for the C-Men obliterate this monstrosity.


Cyclopierce is the C-Men’s leader on the court, using his precision optic lasers to score hordes of points and decimate his opponents. Cyclopierce does his best to reign in the unfettered emotion and intensity of Garnerine, but he is often unsuccessful. Unfortunately, Cyclopierce’s own powers are difficult to control and he occasionally becomes weak, leaving the team to fend for themselves. He is an extremely loyal leader; his entire evil-fighting career has been with the C-Men.


Gasoltooth is the most hideous of the evil mutants, and the arch enemy of Garnerine, going head to head with him throughout the final battle. Gasoltooth’s bestial super abilities have caused him to grow freakish hair and rise to an impressive physical height, but he still gets severely abused by Garnerine up and down the mutant court.

Ray Stormlen

Ray Stormlen has the mutant capabilities necessary to destroy all who stand before him, with a three-point accuracy that can rain down the power of the elements on his opponents. However, the stress of controlling such raw shot power affects Stormlen, and he is not always able to harness his power correctly, accounting for some disappointingly unreliable play.

Doc X

Doc X is the wise leader of the C-Men who helped create the unstoppable team, teaching them how to hone their mutant skills and work together as a synchronized superhuman unit of basketball dominance. He has has the ability to control minds with his incredible mental basketball power, and he can even appease the unforgiving Boston press, but only with the help of Cerebro.

Phil Jagneto

Uncompromising and unrelenting, Jagneto will crush anyone and anything on his path to ultimate basketball glory. With a long history of annihilating opponents, Jagneto uses his magnetic coachability to impale other teams with triangle offense, while manipulating his own team with evil mind games (images of Hitler in 2000 playoff game against Sacramento).


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